Wednesday, April 24, 2013

21st Century Domestic Violence

Does this heading sound weird? Even I used to feel the same. But still this phrase “DOMESTIC VIOLENCE” is applicable to the society, atleast for the Indian society which till date, follows a male dominating culture.

We are basically confused ladies. We don’t know what the terms: domestic violence or dowry or verbal abuse actually refers. We consider all these not to be a part of civilized society and look down to those who have gone through these; we talk about these and very proudly say that we will never tolerate such things; we feel that these are a part of so called “chawls” or of those people who are below poverty line. We feel that such things cannot happen to us even if is happening. But is this the fact? Have none of the modern day “independent” women experienced this trauma.

We might be tortured at home but we hide our tears behind eyeliners and kajal; we hide our cries behind the sweet smile of lips, lips having lipstick on it so that people see the lipstick colour but not recognize the fake smile; we hide the bruises by covering them behind sophisticated clothes and accessories. In short we hide the truth from society and from our own self. If we go through this kind of torture, we feel shame; we don’t want others to know about this. My question is why? Just because we feel that others will form a bad impression for us but honestly by doing this we are creating an impression of ourselves that what happened to us is somehow our mistake, we are ourselves taking the blame for a mistake which we have not done.

I read an article in internet and came to this conclusion of 5 points:
ü  There is no better or worse of domestic violence. Remember, attempt to murder is also a crime. Don’t think that physical assault has to be tolerated until you are murdered. A slap or somebody trying to slap is equivalent.
ü  If something can happen once, it can happen twice or thrice as well. Don’t keep forgiving and forgetting.
ü  No torture, in demand for you to become passive, is acceptable. Making financially dependent, unable to meet and talk to friends and family, cannot decide anything for yourself… are all a kind of torture. If someone takes away your hands and then says that they won’t torture you in return of this…. Is all crap.
ü  Staying alive is better than staying married.
ü  Tolerate the torture just because it is not physical, it is only verbal… is not done. Whatever it is, verbally abusing and insulting is not acceptable. No one has any rights to harm you physically, mentally or emotionally. Verbal abuses hurt you emotionally and destroy your inner self. It takes away your self confidence.

Domestic violence has nothing to do with social status; it is based upon an individual’s mindset. This kind of torture can happen to anyone from a maid to a software engineer to wife of a CEO. You have to draw a line between what is considered torture and what is normal, you have to set a limit for your patience; you have to take a stand and not backseat for yourself.

At the end of the day, just remember
ü  You deserve to be happy, you have all rights to live the life in your own way
ü  You don’t have to sacrifice your life at the cost of continuing in a loveless marriage.
ü  All relationships in this world are based on a give and take policy except from the mother and child relationship.
ü  Don’t let anyone take you for granted and by default.
ü  Love can be selfless but respect is mutual.

Please read this article and call for help in case of need from your family, friends and neighbour. Take the charge and control of your life and fight back.